Mister Global Villain
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Dear Reader, I would like you to become acquainted with Mister Global Villain. There are two main things that everyone needs to know about him. Firstly, he is extremely smart. Secondly, and, unfortunately for the whole world, he is insane. One day Mister Villain woke up in a good mood and it occurred to him that humans bring no good to the planet: as a result of the growing population, they consume more water, kill more animals, and exhaust farmland by overcropping; and above all, humans pollute the planet and cause global warming and climate change which endangers the existence of many species of plants and animals. Thus, Mister Global Villain, who is far from being normal, as the reader can remember, decided to help the earth by reducing the world population. First of all, Mister Villain needed a plan of action.
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This man considered various options of how to save the planet, starting with new epidemics, and ending with war conflicts. However, the results of all these methods seemed too unpredictable. Creating this plan was so exhausting that Mister Villain was barely eating for several days. One morning he woke up and said: “Eating! That is what I was looking for! Food is the solution!” Mornings were rather productive when it concerned brilliant ideas. Mister Villain thought that obesity had already killed so many people that he might not even need to interfere into this process – the humanity could destroy itself, and its efforts were already rather successful. To make sure that he was right, Mister Villain decided to check the statistics. The findings related to the United States satisfied him: “75 percent of men and 67 percent of women ages 25 and older are now overweight or obese” (Cha n. p.). The statistics made the hero look foward to his success. This option was perfect – humans would not even manage to notice how most of them would become obese and die.
Mister Global Villain thought that this process did require some acceleration, and he started to think how to increase the rates of overweight humans. He thought that the most important thing that contributed to it had already been invented and advanced. Thus, he did not need to construct a computer, saving him much time. The hero kept considering the advantages of this device for his intentions. He thought that people spend much time in social networks, so probably it was no use creating new ones – the existing sites were rather useful for his purpose. Some people would become obese, while posting their thoughts on Twitter; others would gain weight while playing video games. In general, there were sites to each person’s taste, and all of them required much time and few movements, which seemed perfect to Mister Villain. One morning Mister Villain realized: “Social media is great, but some countries do not simply have the Internet. That is a wonderful thought! And yes, dear Reader, I am talking to myself. For now, nobody is aware of my plan, and I am still a respectful scientist. I can pretend as if I conducted research that showed that the global economy can soon collapse, unless all countries have the Internet connection. I am a genius. It will take so much time till somebody will find out that I have fudged the facts. But that would not be enough. I should think about more ways to help people gain weight.”
After publishing his so-called research, the hero started to wonder that it would be advantageous to focus not only on teenagers and adults, but also on children. He noticed that there were not so many commercials of junk food, targeted at children, so he decided to change this misfortune. Mister Villain thought: “If children get used to eating greasy junk food since young age, there are fewer chances that they will stop when they grow up. One day this habit will turn into an addiction, and they will not be able to stop without special aid.” Mister Villain sought the way of turning this new idea into reality. He realized that there existed many fast-food restaurant chains. All of them were more or less successful, and there was no necessity for them to spend too much money on advertisement. But this obstacle could not stop the hero. He figured out: “If I manage to discredit the biggest and most successful chain, other chains will start to compete to take its place in the market. Taking into account that children are humans’ weakness, most of them will focus on luring them into their restaurants. It will lead to the appearance of smiling little faces because there is a picture of a pack of French fries beside them. That would do it. What can be better than the Internet connection all over the world in conjunction with the competition between junk-food restaurants?”
One morning, the scientist woke up and felt uneasy: “What if someone will prevent humans from gaining weight? What if someone teaches them that their health depends on their weight, healthy weight?” Then Mister Global Villain calmed down. Nobody was as smart as he was: “There is no chance that someone will make healthy diet become a part of the curriculum in schools all over the world. And nobody will figure out to forbid, or at least restrict, the usage of social media because corporations will never let that happen. I can sleep peacefully. My plan is safe.”
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